5 Lessons in Marriage for the Perfectly Imperfect

Today is our 8 year wedding anniversary. I honestly can not believe that it’s already been 8 years! My husband and I went to dinner last night at Scott Conant’s new restaurant The Ponte to celebrate because the rest of the week is too hectic with some family and work obligations. It was absolutely amazing! If you’re ever in the LA area, you should definitely try it out.

During dinner, it was nice to just spend time chatting. I know everyone says this about their husbands and significant others, but I really believe that my husband is the perfect person for me. I won’t go into the sappy details about why I believe it but I just do. But what I do what to share with you are some lessons I’ve learned and realized in the past 8 years.

Our wedding day

  •  Your husband can’t read your mind.

    No matter how much you hint or passively/aggressively try to tell them something, they won’t get it unless you say what you want or need. I have to remind myself of this so that I don’t get upset over something that could have been avoided by just being direct.

Our honeymoon in Maui

  • Think about how you can be a blessing to the person.

    Before we got married, we did premarital counseling with our pastor and I remember one of the things he said was to think about how you can be a blessing to your spouse. During the early years of marriage, it was easier to do that but as life got busier and more full, I started to fail miserably. Also, once A came into the picture- I was always feeling exhausted and it was just harder to be “nice” and try to be a blessing. It’s a constant battle with myself but one that I want to definitely work on.

    A’s First Birthday

  • It’s ok if you go to bed without resolving conflict. 

    I used to freak out if we got into a fight or disagreement and didn’t get it resolved. My husband is gifted with the ability to sleep anytime, anywhere, and regardless of how he is feeling. I, on the other hand, can’t go to sleep after an argument. I would get really annoyed when my husband would be peacefully sleeping while I was stewing in my anger. But now if we argue, I can go to sleep because I know that in the end, we will get it resolved and I need all the sleep I can get.

  • Date nights are a must. 

    This is something we have to work on. I can count on one hand the number of times we have gone out on a date without A. We love our daughter but need to make the time to spend time as a couple.

    Chicago 2016

  • No refunds. No exchanges.

    When we first got married, my husband jokingly said that there were no refunds or exchanges once we got married. Little did I know how wise those words were. Marriage isn’t like Nordstrom where you take something back and get a refund or exchange it because you want something else or change your mind. It’s a commitment for life.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.- Sam Keen

This is one of my favorite quotes about relationships. It has always resonated with me and is something that I keep in my heart regarding my relationship with my husband. We are two imperfect beings who see each other perfectly (as perfectly as we can) and are perfect for each other. I am very thankful for him and can’t wait to celebrate even more years of marriage with him.

my love, NYC 2014

What are some lessons you’ve learned from being married?

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8 Comments

  1. Christine S.
    March 15, 2017 / 2:17 am

    This was such a great read! I laughed at the part of angrily looking at him while he sleeps soundly and you’re stewing in anger. Yup…been there!

    One time I saw this meme and it said something like, “If this won’t be an issue 5 years from now, then don’t spend 5 minutes getting upset over it.” It helped me to take a step back when I’m upset and think if it’s worth it and if this little squabble was a “deal breaker” or is it just one of those annoying “but I’m right!” Arguments. 👍🏼

  2. March 15, 2017 / 10:42 am

    All these are so good. After two years of marriage I’m still learning that my husband can’t read my mind (shocking!) and that sometimes if we go to bed mad, we both wake up apologetic. 🙂 Congrats on 8 years and God bless!

  3. March 15, 2017 / 11:41 am

    Happy anniversary! I couldn’t agree more with this whole article! I LOVE the “No refunds. No exchanges.” bit! 100% spot on! Great article!

  4. March 15, 2017 / 1:51 pm

    ALL SOOOOOO TRUE! Great post. I think we can all relate to most of these and I love the idea of thinking about how you can be a blessing to your spouse.

  5. March 15, 2017 / 8:03 pm

    Love all these points! So true. I laughed when you said your husband would sleep while you stewed in your anger. That’s so me! But can totally relate now being married for 3 years. I’ve learned to be able to go to sleep without worry or anger knowing it’s all gonna be resolved the next day. Thanks for sharing!! God bless you sis.

  6. Peta
    March 15, 2017 / 9:08 pm

    Thank you for the great tips! I am not married yet but I have been with my partner for almost 9 years. Something I’ve learned is compromise; it goes both ways and it has really helped!

  7. March 16, 2017 / 7:37 pm

    Such great lessons! While I’m not married yet, my fiance and I have been together for as long as you’ve been married, so we’ve figured out these lessons pretty quick! Dating is an absolute must and they certainly can’t read our minds haha, as much as we think they can sometimes!

  8. Christina
    March 16, 2017 / 10:56 pm

    How precious, these are all amazing lessons that get learned.

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