I originally wrote this post for Hellobee when I briefly blogged for them in 2015. Then I reposted it to my blog but I made the post private because I wasn’t ready to post about my miscarriages. When you write something and put it on the Internet, it stays there forever and I wasn’t sure if this was something I wanted out in the open for the whole world to see. But I realize that the topic of miscarriages is such an important one. It’s such a taboo topic, especially in the Asian community. I hope by sharing my story and the things I’ve learned from my miscarriages, it will help someone else who has gone through it or might go through it in the future.
Our Story- Strike 1
Hubs and I were married in 2009. We wanted to wait at least a year to enjoy being married before we really tried to have kids despite the fact that I was already 34 at that time. In the back of my mind, my biological clock was ticking but I didn’t want to rush into having a baby just because of my age.
After our first year of marriage, we started “trying” to have a baby but we didn’t get pregnant until January of 2011. You can imagine what we were feeling when we saw that “pregnant” sign on the pregnancy test. We were so excited! But I was also fearful of things going wrong. I tend to be a worrywart and have fear of the unknown. I was also scared of miscarrying but I tried to do all the right things like take my prenatal vitamins and go to all my OB appointments. Everything seemed to be progressing nicely. I had a 7 week ultrasound where I heard the heartbeat so I felt things were going well and that we would be parents in October of that year. Little did I know that just a few short week, one of the greatest heartaches of my life would happen.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert ? I never knew what that was until I took a psychology course in college. That’s when a little light went off in my head and I came to the realization that not only was I shy, but I also needed time by myself in order to feel rejuvenated and rested. Once I got married, it became even more apparent that I needed my own space and just time to myself.
My husband is an extroverted introvert. He can talk to strangers on the train or store and chat with them about anything, but he likes his time alone/quiet time to recharge. I, on the other hand, am a bit more shy. Sometimes I feel awkward in new surroundings and with people I don’t know, but I am better at adapting now that I am older and don’t feel like an awkward penguin in the corner of the room. View Post
(Quote from Pinterest.)
If you told me about a year ago, that I would be signing myself up for a blog conference, I would have laughed at you. You see, I’m naturally a shy person and the thought of being in a room full of strangers scares me.
Back in the days of Xanga, I used to write a lot. I would write weekly recaps of Sunday sermons and church activities, vacations, and daily life. If I really loved something, I would tell everyone to go buy it. If there’s something fun or interesting to do, I would tell you about it. I recently went back and reread some posts and boy, did I write a lot. But this was all before getting married and starting a family.
I love being married and I love having my daughter- but some where along the way, I’ve lost myself. The me who loved to create things. The me who loved to share ideas with others. The me who loved to spend time with people. The me before her. This in no way means I don’t absolutely adore my daughter or the life I live. I actually love where I am in life but now that the fog of being a new mother has lifted and my daughter is gaining more and more independence, I need to find myself again and make time for me.
The past three years has been so life changing and rewarding. I love my sweet A and how she looks to me for everything but I’ve also been craving something more– something just for me and NOT feeling guilty about it. I’ve been blessed to be able to stay at home with her and care for her every need. Not all moms get to do that. My own mother worked all the time while I was growing up so I don’t take the fact that I was able to stay home for granted.
Despite being categorized as an Advanced Maternal Age (AMA) mom, I don’t look quite my age so I don’t get that many comments about being an older mom. If you look closely though, you will see my many gray hairs and fine lines but for the most part, people rarely guess my age correctly.
I got married in 2009 when I was 34 years old. We probably should have gotten started right away in building a family, but we waited a year. After the year passed, we started trying, but not that actively due to being busy with our careers. We eventually got pregnant in January of 2011, but that ended early. We got pregnant again in October of 2011, but that ended early as well. After that, we took a break to heal both physically and emotionally, and in September 2012, we got pregnant which resulted in the birth of our daughter in May 2013 when I was 38 years old.
I’ve read one too many articles and heard one too many opinions about how old you should be when you have kids. Everyone says you should have your first child before you turn 35 because the risks in pregnancy go up after that. But you can’t really control when you get pregnant. If you could, I’m sure there are plenty of people who would have had kids earlier or later than they did. But it’s out of your control. I do believe though, that our daughter was born at the perfect time for us and where we were mentally and emotionally.
When I was in the my 20’s, I knew I wanted to get married and have a baby before I got “too old.” What I considered to be “too old” at that time was someone who was 30. Looking back now, I had no clue as to what being old is. I’m well past 30 and I don’t feel old! View Post
About a month after Little A was born, I began researching mommy and me programs or activities I could do with her. There was really nothing that was close to my house but I did come across a program called OC Mommy and Me. I was intrigued because it sounded exactly like what I was looking for- a support group for new moms with children that were around the same age. As an older mom, most of my friends have kids who are already in grade school or middle school so I really wanted to be a part of a mommy group with kids that are the same age as mine. I hoped that this would be what I was looking for. I quickly signed up and waited for the first class to begin. My daughter was going to be about 8 weeks old by the time the first class started and I was able to get another mommy friend (who I didn’t know that well) to sign up with me.
Little A & friend at their first class.